How to Be a Terrible Guest
Being a party guest is fun, but some people think it comes with responsibilities. Guests are often expected to RSVP on time or tell the host their dietary needs. If you fail at these things, you might be considered a “bad guest”.
Who really cares if you’re a bad guest? Shouldn’t you be concentrating on having a good time, regardless of what other people need from you? Never mind that the way you behave at events can influence what your friends, family, and hosts think about you. Don’t worry about how your actions will affect the event planner’s ability to keep things running smoothly for other guests. They invited you, so they should be ready!
Here are nine helpful tips on how to be a really bad guest.
Ignore the RSVP request
Most invitations include a date that the host would like you to respond by so they know whether you’re coming. Go ahead and ignore this date! Don’t let hosts or event planners pressure you into making decisions.
Sure, they need to know so they can prepare enough food, etc. but that’s not your problem. If you miss the RSVP date, the planner might send you a reminder in the mail. The host might even call you. Don’t give in! Decide whether you’ll attend at the very last second, no matter how that affects hosts and planners.
Feel free to bring people
The more the merrier! The invite might just be for you, or the hosts might say you can bring one guest, but that’s not important. Feel free to bring as many unexpected friends as you please. It’s not a real party without a few party crashers! Planners and hosts can account for last minute additions by scrambling for extra chairs and shrinking everyone’s meals so your friends can have a snack too.
Keep your dietary needs a secret until you arrive
While you’re keeping details from the hosts, don’t bother telling them your dietary needs either. If they’re going to throw an event, they should assume that at least some people are gluten free vegans who only eat organic produce and are allergic to peanuts and soy.
Planners should prepare for you to tell them upon arrival that you can’t eat that food. If they’re smart, they’ll have a good salad bar or alternative meal for you to enjoy. If not, use your complaints about not being catered to as a conversation starter for the rest of the night!
Arrive much earlier than you were asked to
If someone sends you an invite, the least they can do is work around your personal schedule. If you have nothing to do three hours before the start time on your invitation, why not arrive whenever you please?
The times on the invitation are just suggestions anyway. If the hosts and planners aren’t ready, they’ll have no problem dropping what they’re doing to make sure you’re comfortable. They can always work around you. Don’t feel obligated to help, even if you’re there for hours. Guests are supposed to enjoy themselves, not work.
Stay much later than everyone else
The end time on an invitation is just another a suggestion. Sure, hosts and planners have to clean up before the venue closes or their kids wake up in the morning, but that’s their responsibility, not yours. In fact, they should be flattered if you’re having so much fun that you don’t want to go! Wait until the planner or host finally asks you to leave.
Check your phone as often as possible
You’re a busy person with a lot of Facebook notifications. You shouldn’t have to leave tweets waiting just because the people at this event want to talk to you. The people around you might not be checking their phones, but that’s their own choice.
Events are noisy! You’ll want to make sure to leave your ringer on and as loud as possible so you don’t miss a single “beep” from texts, notifications, or phone calls.
Be a Negative Nancy
As kids, we’re taught that we shouldn’t take our bad moods out on other people, especially in public. You’re an adult now, though, and no one should tell you what to do! If you’re not enjoying this event or its guests, let them know.
Maybe this event isn’t about you, but redirecting peoples’ attention never hurts, even if it’s just the result of your sour disposition. It’s not your problem if people are offended or uncomfortable, so express your negativity if it feels right!
Make it all about you
Speaking of re-directing attention, you should do so at every opportunity. Events are the perfect opportunity to create yourself an audience. Maybe the event is supposed to be about the birthday girl, but who really needs an entire day devoted to them anyways? They won’t care if you commandeer conversations and drown everyone else out. If other guests want attention as well, they can compete with you for it. Until then, enjoy that spotlight no matter who the event is for!
Drink as much as you want
If you’re going to attend an event, you might as well have a good time! Get the party started with a few drinks just to break the ice. Why stop after your warm up cocktails? Drinking more will help you with other “bad guest habits”, like steal the center of attention or give everyone a taste of your bad mood. If the host or planner starts to hint that you’ve had enough, stand up for yourself! They invited you here, so they should respect your desire to drink 13 martinis.
The event planners will take care of it!
Being a terrible guest is your right as an invitee. It’s the event planner’s responsibility to deal with any problems that you cause. Smart planners will have a contingency plan for guests just like you. You’re actually doing them a favor by keeping them on their toes and letting them practice their problem solving skills! Everyone around you will develop new opinions about you as they watch you behave poorly. You’ll experience new feelings the next day when you realize your actions changed your friendships. It’s a lot fun for everyone!